Reprising the old modern day argument of ‘what happened to chivalry?’.
I’m only 23 and I wasn’t around prior 1960s (that’s a ballpark figure in that I don’t know when it died or if it’s in hiding!) but we know enough to be able to say the norms and values that the majority of men hold today are somewhat different to the men of yesterday. Now this is coming from a women who considers herself to be somewhat traditional although independent but even I have experienced quite appalling behavior from young men on countless occasions. I have to state that I have also experienced some young men to be quite the gentleman too! I am going to play devils advocate here in that I have two possible belief systems. There is no right here and I know a lot of you were thinking the same as I will go on to say. Lets just put it out there. I know social factors have changed and it is a different time period too so this could account for some of the changes but I will focus on what may have changed in terms of perceptions of/surrounding chivalry.
Women in the contemporary world have had to be stronger, resilient and more ‘ballsy’ to stand as equals in today’s society as well as historically- as our independence grew so has our need to get in touch with our masculine side. In that sense I guess it is understandable why women may seem to have been de-feminized, less lady-like or perceived as not your stereotypical 1950s housewife. Does this mean that those women do not like or want to be treated as if they were a 1950s housewife? On the other hand, historically, men were perceived as the ‘breadwinners’ the leader of the house, whilst the ‘lady’ stayed at home and raised the children. What we have seen over time is women taking a more equal role in society and in the home too, it has been argued that, this in turn has de-maculated men and left them unable to gain an upper hand or a means to feel manly as nowadays everything a man can do so can a women- well almost everything…Women know that men need to feel like a man sometimes and allow them to, but men need to understand that women need to feel like a woman too.
Where does this leave the man? Where does this leave the women? Who created the stereotypical norms of the 1950s couple? To me chivalry is the little things. For example, opening doors, allowing ladies to go first, offering to take a lady home, if she were in distress offer a hand- all out of the kindness of your heart and NOT so that it would guarantee them a gateway to her panties. I don’t see chivalry as being superman! So what is it about these little things that men are so reluctant to show?
Is it their upbringing? What example did Jimmy’s dad show him compared to Daves’? Has negative images of women been passed on from father to son generation after generation that has left a lot of males with a misguided interpretation of women all through one bad experience that happened to your dads dad? Similarly, has a lack of a strong female role model created a path for young women to become lost and out of touch with their femininity and therefore living up to these misguided perceptions of women that are out there?
“All women are snakes. They can’t be trusted.”
Hmmmm, sounds similar to:
“All men are dogs. They can’t be trusted.”
I’m sure some women are and some men are too. But where has assumptions ever got anyone? When something has been drilled into your head long enough it is hard to know any different.
Do today’s young men think something is owed to them from women- it does seem that way sometimes…but it does bemuse me as to what? Or why?
Lets flip this to the ‘ladies’. I want to talk about the evolution of the woman for a bit and this is just my opinion. I have to wander sometimes what has happened to the ‘lady’- is it the ‘lady’ that has died and not chivalry? Are men struggling to find decent women out there that carry themselves well? Is that why we are seeing a decline in a good deed. I can’t help but say that it is a small proportion of women ruining it for the rest of us. Men you need to understand that how you treat miss ‘floozy’ is not going to wash well with the other 70% of women. Do not believe that the majority of real women are this way because it is a lie. Now this point alone proves something. That nowadays chivalry must be ‘earned’ rather than just given to as it was done historically. It was enough to just be a woman, now you have to be the ‘right’ kind of woman to be treated a certain way by the ‘right’ kind of man.
Has the sanctity of a relationship lost supporters? I think so. It seems as though its not about having a relationship these days. Its more about how many notches you can get on your belt. In that case is there simply no time for chivalry or need for it? As I mentioned earlier some modern day men may perceive being chivalrous as a ticket to access all areas. Why? Don’t you want a women to judge you on who you are? I think chivalry is being used in the wrong context. You know that line in the club “Can I buy you a drink?”….. then later followed by “But I bought you a drink is that how you’re going to be?”
I think the act of chivalry has morphed. Its standards of what constitutes it has dropped and therefore leaving women with slim pickings. On the other hand the ‘lady’ has morphed too. We’re are more independent, firmer and have higher walls for many men to break down, most of which don’t have the time or effort to. Some women take this to mean they should be ‘easier’ so they can obtain what it is they really want(a committed relationship)….Men take this to mean, they are ‘easy’ and usually dispose of them in time. It is all a game for many and both are happy players of it. I assume ultimately though there will be a lot of unhappy prisoners.
I have talked to a lot of men and women and some views they hold are exactly the same! They ask the same questions or give the same answers. Which is odd because then I wander if there is just a breakdown in communication! However, I do wander if two separate genders should have such similar views? Or is it a good thing they think the same when it comes to matters of the heart? I remember speaking to one man in particular that spoke quite openly and negatively about women, but soon after I discovered the reason why he did was because he feared a committed relationship and being hurt by a woman, so thought by constantly reassuring himself they were "all the same" and "couldn't be trusted" validated his nonchalant behaviour towards them. I sometimes wander how many men are doing the same. Another told me, some men don't act chivalrous for fear of being ridiculed by peers. In the past chivalry was respected and the norm now its mocked and rarely used. Its odd how perceptions have changed by the very same beings.
Most women say chivalry is dead. Most men say it is not. What do you think?...
Definitions that exist:
This is one definition you may find of chivalry:
1)“courteous behavior, esp. that of a man toward women : their relations with women were models of chivalry and restraint.”
Could also be defined as:
2)“the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, esp. courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.”
Lets look at how a ‘lady’ is defined:
3)“historical a woman to whom a man, esp. a knight, is chivalrously devoted.”
Or:
4)“a courteous, decorous, or genteel woman : his wife was a real lady, with such nice manners.”
I wander what the modern day definitions would be???!!
No comments:
Post a Comment