Scratching the surface

He's called me from a foreign number one too many times
and to look away and ignore the call I become more so inclined.
I've longed for a physical presence for most of my teenage to adult life
But soon learned that time as a heaven we would never devise.

You missed out on me growing into the woman I am today
So now when you look at me you see the girl of yesterday
I try to act like the adult I am but you never seem to understand
that the needs I had back then can't be satisfied with just your hands

You try to satisfy me in only the ways you know how
But to know what it feels like to have you grow me
I'm still trying to live without.

I hold resentment for the new life you've chosen
because you chose it instead of me
and to think of you raising that baby girl
makes me feel so incomplete.
I wander what I fear the most from the man I choose to love
I realise my apprehension to them came from your failed storyboards with mum.

You're not perfect your just human
I've learned to accept your mistakes
I can't cuss you, you won't abandon your newborn babies
But that doesn't mean that you didn't shed your responsibilities to me